Understanding a Strong Emotion


One in three people say that they have a close friend or family member who has anger problems.
The finding, from a survey conducted in the U.K. by the Mental Health Foundation, suggests that many of us will encounter work situations where emotions run high, and can spill over into anger.
Not all feelings of anger are negative, though. For example, if you get animated on behalf of a colleague who's been given an unnecessarily hard time by others in the workplace, your response may strike a chord and result in a positive outcome. But angry outbursts that intimidate or undermine co-workers are always unacceptable.
In this article, we look at what anger is and why some people get angry, while others don't. And we explore the resources available on Mind Tools that can help you to manage anger – both your own and other people's.
What Is Anger?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines anger as "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism." Psychologist T.W. Smith agrees, saying it is "an unpleasant emotion ranging in intensity from irritation or annoyance to fury or rage."
But what makes people angry is different for everyone. Things that spark ire in some people don't bother others at all. Yet we all regularly experience events that could make us angry. They include:
• Frustration and powerlessness.
• Hurt.
• Harassment and bullying .
• Injustice, real or perceived.
• Exhaustion and burnout from stress .
• Demands or criticisms that we think are unfair .
• Threats to the people, things, or ideas that we hold dear.
Recognizing Anger
Anger and aggression are not the same thing. Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior. Not everyone who feels angry is aggressive, and vice versa. Sometimes people are aggressive because they feel afraid or threatened.
Not everyone who's angry yells or seeks confrontation. Some people let their anger out by ignoring people or by sulking, or through sarcasm. People who behave this way are called passive-aggressive , and they can be as difficult to deal with as those who scream and shout.
Other people react entirely passively to anger. They show no outward signs of anger, no matter how furious they are. But these people may be doing themselves more damage by suppressing their emotions than those who show their anger.
The Dangers of Anger
An appropriate level of anger can spur us to take proper actions, solve problems , and handle situations constructively.
However, uncontrolled anger can have many negative consequences, especially in the workplace. It can cloud our ability to make good decisions and find creative solutions to problems. It can affect relationships with co-workers. And it can destroy trust between team members.
Effective team working is based on sharing ideas in a supportive environment. If people think the team leader is going to fly into a rage as soon as they suggest something, they'll stop contributing , and the team will stop functioning at its best.
Unexpressed anger can be as harmful as outward rage. The angry person who doesn't express his or her anger may bear grudges or see himself as a victim . His colleagues may not realize that there's a problem, so they may be less likely to be able to help him.
Frequent anger, whether expressed or not, poses health risks, too. One study found that people who get angry regularly are more likely to suffer from heart disease. Research has also highlighted a link between anger and premature death. Further studies have discovered that anger correlates to anxiety and depression.
Warning:
The information in this article can be useful in managing anger, but it is for guidance only. Seek the advice of qualified health professionals if you have concerns over persistent anger.
Controlling Anger
It's important to deal with anger in a healthy manner, so that it doesn't harm you or anyone else.
First, recognize that the problem exists. Sometimes people don't understand that their anger is an issue, either for themselves or for others. They may blame other things: people, processes, institutions, even inanimate objects like computers.
You probably know people like this, or maybe you recognize it in yourself. You can tackle this by developing self-awareness , which can help you to understand how others see you, and in turn enable you to manage your emotions better.
Also, it's important to be resilient . Being able to bounce back from disappointment and frustration is much healthier than becoming angry about it. It's also good to learn to take control of your own situation, and to avoid believing that you're powerless. Get used to speaking up for yourself and telling people when you think that they're wrong.
Here are some more practical steps that you can take to prevent or manage anger:
What Is Anger?
“All the negative affects trouble human beings deeply … Anger is problematic above all.”
– Silvan Tomkins, Affect Imagery Consciousness, Volume III


“Anyone can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.”
– Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics


What is Anger?

We are exploring the three pillars of the origins of human development—affects (feelings), language, and cognition.

Currently, we are discussing two of our most important innate affects, interest (curiosity) and anger. In the last several newsletters, we have examined interest in some detail. This month and next, we will investigate anger.

We will then move on and begin to delve into the other two major areas, language and cognition.

Overview
To briefly review—here’s one way to think about our earliest feelings, which then become our more complex emotional life.

Positive:
• Interest
• Enjoyment
Resetting:
• Surprise (resets the nervous system, to prepare for the next stimulus)
Negative:
• Distress
• Anger
• Fear
• Shame
• Disgust [a reaction to noxious tastes]
• Dissmell [a reaction to noxious odors]

Anger
If curiosity – interest – is the most underappreciated feeling, anger may be the most misunderstood.

But anger need not be so misunderstood. Two huge clues stand out. First, anger is one of the negative affects. Thus, like all negative affects, anger is an SOS signal! It simply says to mother, or father, or the environment in general, “Something is wrong here…please help!”

Second, anger is excessive distress. As we described previously, any excessive stimulus—such as light or noise or pain—will cause the infant to change her facial and vocal expressions from distress to anger. If you’re having trouble with your own anger or your child’s or some other adult’s anger, just think “too much distress.” Anger is a quantitative concept; it is “too much-ness;” it is too much stimulation.

Anger is the final common pathway of all the negative affects. Any excessive negative feelings—distress, fear, shame, and so on—will result in anger. Also, interruption of interest will result in distress, and, if excessive, anger.

Distress and Anger
In order to understand Anger, we must also include Distress. Distress and Anger are linked.

Previously, we showed how Surprise, Fear, and Interest depend on the speed of the external (e.g. a loud noise) and internal (e.g. a stomach pain) stimuli. How might Distress and Anger work? What is their mechanism of action?

The feelings of Distress and Anger appear to depend on the quantity of the stimulus.

Any sustained increase in the level of neural firing, such as a continuing loud noise, innately activates the cry of Distress. If it were sustained and still louder, it would innately activate the Anger response.

For example, any sustained increase of a stimulus such as a continuing loud noise will innately activate the Distress signal and the cry and facial manifestations of the Distress feeling. And—this is important, and we will refer to this understanding of Anger time and again—if the noise is sustained and still louder, it would innately activate the Anger response.

Distress, then, is “too much” of something. Anger is excessive Distress… really too much.

Think of how we express this in everyday language. People are stressed out; they are under stress; there is too much going on, too much bombarding them, disorganizing them. They get irritable. Even more comes down upon them. They get more irritable. They get angry.

Initially, at a low level, Distress is triggered. And then excessive Distress turns into Anger. Practically any stimuli can create this sequence – memories, hurtful words, even other affects, such as too much fear or shame.

The Origins of Anger
Let’s return to the beginning. Anger is one of the nine universal built-in feelings. It is one of the responses to stimulation. It can be seen early in the infant’s life. Anger may show up as the “roar of rage,” with the red face, mouth open in a cry, eyes clenched. Or, the baby’s face may be marked by a somewhat more subtle anger, with the eyebrows down, the eyes slitted, the jaw clenched.

Again, anger is a quantitative issue. How does it help to think of anger as a quantitative issue, as excessive distress? Think of your infant or small child. When she is hungry or tired or sick, what happens? She gets cranky, irritable, angry. There is too much distress.

Or think of when you stub your toe. At first, as the sensation begins to register as the pain mounts, you feel distress. As the pain and distress accelerate, you get angry.

The common notion of someone being irritable or angry because they are “stressed out” is right on target: there is too much stress, or stimulation. The words we use for this transition from distress to anger include irritable, cranky, snippy, annoyed.

Thus, there is a process of summation with anger, the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Things may be going along reasonably well, but then one event after another begins to push the envelope toward anger. Any one of these issues might be easily handled; too many of them piled up lead to anger.

Anger is also what is known as a contagious affect—anger in one person seems to spread to another. An angry child can readily make a parent angry. And, an adult can easily make another adult angry. A picture is sometimes worth a thousand words.

The notion of anger as a contagious affect is useful in helping the child with tension-regulation and self-soothing—it highlights the need to put water, not gasoline, on the emotional fire!

How and why is anger a contagious affect?

How and why? How—probably because someone else’s anger adds to your level of distress. Think of road rage, a car honking behind you. This increase in stimulation can feel like an attack, an assault, something personal. Why contagious? Probably, from an evolutionary perspective, because anger in another person creates enough stimulation to mobilize the distress and anger useful in responding to a potential threat.

ARTİCLE CONTİNUES AFTER ADVERTİSEMENT
Distress and Anger in Parenting and Relationships
Distress and Anger are among the most difficult affects for parents to navigate. It is useful to remember that feelings are signals. Negative affects are SOS signals. They convey that something is wrong.

So, Key #1:
Try to figure out what is causing the Distress and then attend to that. Put water on the fire, not gasoline.

And Key #2:
Yes, the expressions of Distress and Anger (whining, screaming, temper tantrums, etc.) can be upsetting. However, try to remember Key #1. And then address the expressions and behaviors associated with Distress and Anger: Help the child put the feelings and problems into words. “I can see you are distressed and angry…try to tell me with words what the problem is and I will try to fix it.”