Approaching a girl in public can be daunting. However, if you pay attention to her body language and respect her personal boundaries, there is no reason for you to come across as creepy. With some confidence and practice, you can learn how to approach a girl and start a conversation!
If a girl has caught your eye, try gauging her interest before you approach her. If she’s smiling at you or glancing your way, that’s a great sign! However, if her arms are crossed or she’s leaning away from you, she’s probably not interested. To start a conversation with a girl who might be interested, comment on what she’s doing or compliment something quirky about her, like her earrings. If she leans towards you, makes eye contact, and responds, try asking her out. Keep reading for more tips on what to say when you approach her!
Gauging Her Interest
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Make eye contact. If you see a girl you'd like to meet, try to make eye contact before talking to her. Look away for a few minutes then try looking at her again. If she catches you stealing quick glances at her, it will demonstrate to her that she has caught your attention and you are interested in her.
• If you repeatedly make eye contact with someone, it could be a sign that she wants you to approach her. Three glances from a girl might signal that she's interested.[1]
• Eye contact activates our brain's reward center, making eye contact a powerful tool for attracting someone.[2]
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Smile! A friendly smile is a great way to show someone that you're interested in them. If she returns the smile, that's a sign that she might be interested in you. Once you've exchanged a few glances and a smile, try approaching her to say hi and ask her about her about what she’s doing: “Hi, I couldn’t help but notice you over here. What are you studying/reading/up to?”
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Assess her for positive body language. While reading another person's body language is not an exact science, there are definitely a few behaviors to look for that will signal that the person is interested in engaging in conversation. If she is facing her body toward you or leaning toward you, that could mean that she would feel comfortable with you approaching her.[3]
• If she makes eye contact or smiles at you, it could be a sign that she's interested in you approaching her!
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Check for negative body language. If a girl does not want to be approached, she will generally demonstrate this through closed-off signals. A few indicators generally include facing away from you, crossed arms, listening to music, reading a book, frowning, or pointedly looking away from you. While not perfect indicators, expressions and body language like this most likely means that you should leave her alone. Be respectful and let it go if she isn’t responding to you with positive, open body language.[4]
Speaking to Her
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Initiate a conversation. There are several ways to strike up a conversation. For example, you could ask her if she made her earrings/dress/other cool item. You could even say something like "I couldn't help but noticing how your dress matches your eyes. It's a great color." Don’t be shy about commenting on something that is eye-catching and/or quirky but avoid teasing or poking fun at her the first time you speak to her.
• If you're in a place like a bookstore or comic book store, ask her what her favorite book is or what book she’s currently reading. You could also comment on the general atmosphere of the venue: “It’s pretty cool in here, isn’t it?” or “I can’t believe they painted the walls orange” to break the ice.
• If she doesn't seem interested in talking, leave her alone. There are numerous ways to tell: not making eye contact, monosyllabic answers, looking around for some way out of the conversation.
• If she is interested, she will make that clear through eye contact, smiling, and sometimes leaning closer to you.
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Listen when she speaks. If she wants to talk or say something, give her your full attention and actively listen to what she says. Avoid playing on your phone or letting yourself be distracted by other things. This way she will know that you are interested in what she has to say and you'll find out more about her, have opportunities to further the conversation, and show her that you are interested in her as a person.
• Ways to show that you are actively listening include maintaining eye contact, nodding, smiling, and agreeing with verbal cues such as “yes” or “mhmm.”[5]
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Don’t overthink it. When approaching a girl, you don’t want to come off as if you are trying too hard. Act casual, but friendly. Try some light banter to break the ice. You will want to present yourself as if you are addressing a friend or acquaintance. If you are nervous, remember the saying “fake it until you make it” and pretend that you are confident and not nervous at all. [6]
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Practice what you want to say. Think of something to say ahead of time before you approach her to prevent choking and being too nervous to speak to her. Practice what you will say a few times in your head or even out loud in private before speaking to her.
• You could practice what you might say in your head. If you are alone or somewhere where you feel comfortable doing so - say, you excuse yourself to the restroom -, try saying it out loud in your normal speaking voice to familiarize yourself with the words, tone, and inflection you might use.
• If you are not comfortable rehearsing out loud, try going over it in your head or writing it down numerous times until you feel comfortable with it.
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Approach her even if she’s with a group of friends. If she’s with friends, try talking to the group rather than just one girl. You could say something like, “I couldn’t help but notice that it looks like you are discussing something very funny; it must be the orange guy over there...” or something silly and/or sarcastic along those lines.[7]
• Don’t fear approaching a group of girls. If you are confident, you will be admired for your confidence and courage.
Establishing a Connection
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Exchange contact information. If she seems interested and you are still interested, try to make plans for a future meet-up. Give her your phone number or email address. This way she feels in control of the situation. You'll know for certain that she's interested if she follows up. If she says no, leave it. She doesn't owe you anything further, even if she did enjoy your company.
• You could ask her for her number or give her yours. When giving out your number, you could try saying something that appears to be off-the-cuff and smooth by saying, “Hey, can I give you my number real quick before we go?” and then write it down or enter it into her phone (if she offers it). If you have a business card, you can simply hand that to her instead of writing out your contact information, though this is a more formal approach.
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Ask her on a date. If it’s during the day, before 5:00 p.m., suggest that the two of you grab coffee somewhere by saying, “do you want to grab a coffee?” If it’s 5:00 p.m. or later ask her out to dinner. You could say, “Are you interested in grabbing a bite to eat?” If she’s not available then, ask her if she has plans on the weekend: “Do you have plans this weekend? Would you be interested in going out with me?”
• Always choose a public place for a date; you want her to feel comfortable. Have a place in mind if you do ask, or ask her if she knows of a good place.
• If you discover through talking to her that you share an interest or hobby, you can suggest that you work on that interest/hobby together in a casual way. For example, you could say, “Some friends and I like to go out with our cameras and take photos of the skyline on the riverwalk on Saturday afternoons, would you like to join us sometime?” Inviting her to an event or activity that is public and involves others will make her feel more comfortable and take some of the pressure off of both of you.
3
Be respectful. This is the most important part of approaching a girl in public or in any situation. Show respect by talking to her in a courteous way. Avoid swearing, making fun of her, commenting on her body inappropriately, and telling dirty jokes. Being respectful generally indicates that you are a good person that you can potentially be trusted. You can prove that you are trustworthy by being respectful to those around you, to your friends and family, and to her friends and family. If she is not interested, accept it gracefully and let it be.